BEST SHORT JOKES EVER TOLD





Here's a printable list of the best short jokes ever told, according to a series of random internet selection committees. Check back often as this list continues to grow.




My wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right. (Rodney Dangerfield)

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Some day those health freaks are gonna feel pretty damn foolish, lying around in hospitals dying of nothing. (Redd Foxx)

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When I went to college, my parents threw me a going away party...according to the letter. (Emo Philips)

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I would never join a club that would have someone like me for member. (Groucho Marx)

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I was thrown out of College when they caught me cheating on my metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. (Woody Allen)

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I had a cab driver in Paris. The man smelled like a guy eating cheese while getting his hair permed in the septic tank of a slaughterhouse. (Dennis Miller)

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Two hunters are in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, so the other guy calls the emergency services and screams, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Then the guy's voice comes back on the line and says: “OK, now what?“

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Psychiatrist's secretary: "Doctor, there's a patient in the waiting room who thinks he's invisible."

Psychiatrist: "Tell him I can't see him right now."

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On the 9th hole of a golf course, Harry stopped in midswing as a funeral procession went by, dropped his club, took off his cap, and bowed his head.

"That was a very nice gesture", said Fred. "You are a truly kind man."

"It's the least I can do." said Harry, "We were married for 35 years."





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