Birthday Phrases, Printable Greetings and More

Search by Keyword



Here's a fun collection of Birthday Phrases, short jokes and more. Now you can stop fretting over what to write inside those blank greeting cards.


See the links below for a selection of free printable birthday cards and other free printable items.



Birthday Phrases

The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.

-Samuel Johnson


***


People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

-George Burns


People ask me why I don't date someone my own age. I tell them its because there IS no one my age.

-George Burns


I'm so old I saw the Dead Sea when it was only sick.

-George Burns


***


I'm so old, my biological clock is a sundial.

-Comedian Judee Clare imitating Phyllis Diller


I'm so old, my children are back in diapers.

-Comedian Judee Clare imitating Phyllis Diller


I'm so old, my face is in public domain.

-Comedian Judee Clare imitating Phyllis Diller





Last week, a candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

-Steven Wright

***


A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

-Robert Frost

***


I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

-Bob Hope


You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

-Bob Hope

***


I get NO respect! My twin brother forgot my birthday.

-Rodney Dangerfield.

***


I've been 39 years old since I was 39 years old.

-Jack Benny

***



Funny Birthday Phrases for Cards


MONEY'S TIGHT

TIMES ARE HARD

HERE'S YOUR EFFING BIRTHDAY CARD.

***


BETTER TO BE OVER THE HILL THAN UNDER IT.

***


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

CHEER UP! YOU'RE NOT GETTING OLDER.

YOU'RE JUST GETTING A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO DYING.

***


YOUR AGE IS NOTHING MORE THAN MIND OVER MATTER.

IF YOU DON'T MIND, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

***


AS YOU AGE, THREE THINGS HAPPEN.

THE FIRST THING IS YOUR MEMORY STARTS TO SLIP.

I CAN'T REMEMBER THE OTHER TWO.

***




FREE PRINTABLE BIRTHDAY CARDS 



SEE MAIN LIST PAGE 



Useful Links to Free Printable Items


Go here for all sorts of Free Printable Resume Formats.


Printable list of Amtrak Train Stations in All 50 States.


Printable list of Greyhound Bus Stations in All 50 States.


Printable Car Insurance Stats for All 50 States and Washington DC.


Printable Reusable Monthly Calendars


Printable Maps


Printable Worksheets


Printable Charts and Tables


Printable Tattoo Designs


Printable Tarot Cards


Printable Gifts


Printable Trivia Games


Another Free Printables Collection



See the Main Lists Page 



Go here to see Amazon's Top Ten New e-Books