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Here's a printable collection of Short Funny Quotes from people whose names may sound familiar.
Shown above, the Quick-witted Queen of Quotable Quips, Quentin Crisp.
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
The future ain't what it used to be.
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Buy land. They've stopped making it.
The older I get, the happier I was.
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style!
The war between the sexes is the only one in which both sides regularly sleep with the enemy
The French speak English when our backs are turned.
Of course I lie to people. But I lie altruistically - for our mutual good. The lie is the basic building block of good manners. That may seem mildly shocking to a moralist - but then what isn't?
I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let him down.
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
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