Short Funny Quotes

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Here's a printable collection of Short Funny Quotes from people whose names may sound familiar.


Shown above, the Quick-witted Queen of Quotable Quips, Quentin Crisp.  




Short Funny Quotes


It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.

-Harry Truman


If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

-Albert Einstein


The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.

-Will Rogers


I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

-Woody Allen


I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

-Steven Wright


The future ain't what it used to be.

-Yogi Berra


Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

-Steve Martin


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

-Rodney Dangerfield


A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

-Bill Cosby


Buy land. They've stopped making it.

-Mark Twain


The older I get, the happier I was.

-Anon


If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style!

-Quentin Crisp


The war between the sexes is the only one in which both sides regularly sleep with the enemy

-Quentin Crisp


The French speak English when our backs are turned.

-Quentin Crisp


Of course I lie to people. But I lie altruistically - for our mutual good. The lie is the basic building block of good manners. That may seem mildly shocking to a moralist - but then what isn't?

-Quentin Crisp


I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let him down.

-Abraham Lincoln


All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.

-Buddha


Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

-Buddha



Short Funny Quotes, Poems, Sayings

Go to this page for Short Funny Valentine Couplets


Hit this link for a free printable list of Funny Quotes and Sayings.



Visit this page for a collection of Poems About States 



Hit this link to see the Main Poetry Page 


Go here for a selection of Short Funny Quotes and Poetry.


Click here for a printable list of Short Funny Jokes

See the Main List Page.



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