Shut Up And Lie!
(How To Use Lies Respectfully)

Scroll down to learn How To Use Lies to your best advantage. 

Follow these easy, step by step instructions on the world's most popular lifestyle strategy. 

Do YOU lie?

Stop lying! 

You know you do. 

Read on to learn How To Use Lies effectively, to fully optimize the benefits of lying. 

And stop pretending you don't know what I'm talking about. 

Chapter 5

How To Use Lying Respectfully

A major study effectively revealed that only about 1 in 500 people are any good at detecting when someone is lying. Researchers identified only 50 such individuals out of more than 20,000 volunteers. These 50 people are now known collectively the "Truth Wizards" or "Deception Wizards.

The remaining volunteers scored no higher than random chance would allow. 

And even Truth Wizards are only human, after all:

According to behavioral scientist Maureen O'Sullivan, "Curious to me about Truth Wizards is that their expertise pertains to their professional lives, but many of them have long histories of romantic failures because they put this ability aside in their personal lives." 

In fact, Truth Wizards were measured as being able to detect lies with 80% accuracy. In other words, 1 in 5 times, even the Truth Wizard is fooled.  

Apparently, our egos prevent us from ever fully knowing how to separate fact from fiction — How To Use only our intelligence to make decisions. 

We spend our lives walking that smooth, slippery line between casual inaccuracy and outright lying.

All we need to know is How To Use the lies. 

Now that we've established that everyone lies (as if you didn't already know that), the next order of business is to stop pretending we don't. 

Calling someone a liar is merely stating the obvious. A liar is easily detected, and is no further away than the nearest mirror. 

Lying is generally considered wrong because it is misleading and diminishes trust. In many (but not all) cases, it IS wrong to mislead people. 

But this would not be the case if we simply assume at the outset that all of us are liars, with varying degrees of believability. 

Next Step: Proceed accordingly, trying new and innovative activities like minding your own business, or getting a hobby, or doing volunteer work, or anything of more lasting significance than which way your partner swings the bat these days.

Learning How To Use your time effectively is Key. 

Distrust is a good thing, not to be confused with suspicion, which is also a good thing. Lack of trust is merely an avoidance of preconceived notions — the refusal to make uncalled-for assumptions. 

So do yourself a favor and lose the pinky-swearing, pig-tailed innocence of trust. A less trusting world is a safer world. We wake up to this grim reality for our own safety, and for the safety of our children. 

That may be a sad fact, but IS a fact nonetheless, and should be logically accepted as a fact. 

Trust — like respect — must be earned. 

Still, lack of trust need not be paired with bitterness. We need only to face the inescapable fact that human beings are flawed, unpredictable creatures.

Much like other wild animals, they are best approached with caution, and lied to with kindness and respect, as you would have them lie unto you.   

Obviously, habitual lying — not to mention habitual liars — should be avoided.

As important as it may be to learn How To Use the Lie, lies should be used as sparingly as possible. 

People who do not lie respectfully should be shown the Exit. Period. 

This point seemed almost too plain to mention, until I read an outstandingly insipid and childish blog entitled, How To Deal With A Compulsive Liar In A Romantic Relationship, by someone named Hannah. 

This silly woman's so-called "advice" never addresses why you should bother trying!

No mention is made of ditching the loser and moving on with your life.

Instead, a thousand wasted words of mindless chitchat fizzle to the lamest possible conclusion, with the stupendously empty-headed suggestion of "counseling" and "therapy." 

These are vague-but-trendy buzzwords that translate into "I haven't the faintest fucking CLUE what I am talking about, but maybe someone else might know.

No further. details are given. 

The author of this piece is a habitual liar herself: She puts "Writer" on her resume. 

Personally, I can hardly wait for Hannah's next helpful heap of homespun wisdom, perhaps on 'How To Sweet Talk Your Soulmate When He Sleeps With Your Sister.' 

Loosely defined, pathological liars are liars who have been caught lying so often they just don't care anymore. As Psychologist de Paulo puts it: 

"Pathological liars will lie even the the truth would be to their advantage.

Karma catches up to us, eventually. 

On the other hand, Forensic Psychologist Stephen Porter found that prisoners diagnosed as psychopathic were two-and-a-half times more likely to be granted parole than other applicants, despite a much higher rate of further criminal acts. 

Overall, it seems that we are just as well off navigating our own way through this tangled web of human trickery, of which we are very much a part. 

In closing, here is some general, practical bits advice that someone might find useful: 

When selecting a lie from your ever-expanding repertoire, understand the nature of cause and effect, also known as karma

Failing that, understand a basic law of physics, which states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. 

In other words, understand that lies have consequences, as does adhering to the absolute truth at all times.

The secret is not to avoid lying altogether, but to find a happy medium by developing the indispensable skill of lying for optimal efficiency and maximum positive impact. 

Oh, and one last thing: 

Don't Get Caught! 

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Shut Up And Lie! 

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